MBF Review: Woman's best friend, man's worst nightmare

Man's Best Friend, Sabrina Carpenter's seventh album, is perhaps the most "authentically Sabrina" album yet.

Following the astounding success of Sabrina Carpenter's Grammy-Award winning album Short 'N Sweet, the twenty six-year old pop star is back with her seventh album.

The album cover was met with severe backlash from the general public. As Sabrina Carpenter plays the part of a dog whilst having her hair pulled, critics alluded to the idea that she was pandering to the male gaze. Longtime fans ("Carpenters") fought back, declaring Sabrina is, and always has been, for the girls.

And we were right. Man's Best Friend keeps Sabrina tongue-in-cheek humor while exploring the ups and downs of romance as a woman in her twenties.

A proud Carpenter of 11 years (and counting), I'm here with my track-by-track review of Man's Best Friend (and my favorite lyric from each song). But first I'll just say this: While emails i can't send will always be my personal favorite, I can confidently state that not only is Man's Best Friend objectively Sabrina's best record to date, but it is also perhaps the most "authentically Sabrina" album yet.

Track 1: Manchild

"Oh, I like my men playing hard to get / And I like my men all incompetent / And I swear they choose me / I'm not choosing them"

Real talk: With a lead single like "Manchild," I don't know how anyone in their right minds could have thought this album would be pandering to the male gaze. Can she get more explicit than writing a song all about how stupid, useless and/or slow men are?

"Manchild" gets us right into the action with her cheeky "Oh boy!" We know we're in for a wild ride—one of heartbreak and humor all intertwined.

Track 2: Tears

"I get wet at the thought of you / Being a responsible guy / Treating me like you're supposed to do / Tears run down my thighs"

So my original prediction for this track was that it'd be an emotional sequel to "Please Please Please." (Something calling back to the "don't bring me to tears" idea?) Who would have guessed that a song called "Tears" might be one of Sabrina's sexiest tracks yet (even though the entire song is once again about how immature men are).

That aside also brings me to my second point. While this song (and its jaw-dropping music video) is chaotic, clever and downright a banger, it also relays a deeper meaning: We settle for the bare minimum because we've come to expect so much less. The very first lyric: "I get wet at the thought of you being a responsible guy." General responsibility is not typically a turn-on, except when you consider the fact that is not longer a given with most of our generation's men.

Maybe I'm going on too much of a feminist rant—but I think as Sabrina's music has always had deeper meanings, she'd be happy to know even the catchiest tracks can bring about important conversations. But I digress: Moving on!

Track 3: My Man on Willpower

"My man on his willpower is something I don't understand / He fell in love with self restraint and now it's getting out of hand"

Sabrina said in a recent interview that "My Man on Willpower" is probably her favorite right now, and it's easy to see why. She just nailed down every matcha-drinking, Clairo-loving performative man in the world and I love her for it.

Track 3 perfectly emulates the idea of the person you love changing into someone you don't know. While growth can (and sometimes should) mean growing away from others, Sabrina captures the feeling of being the other person perfectly.

Track 4: Sugar Talking

"You're having these epiphanies / Big word for a real small mind / And aren't you tired of saying a whole lot of nothing?"

The sultry instrumental paired with Sabrina's luscious vocals make "Sugar Talking" a sensual masterpiece. We also get powerhouse vocals between subtle belting and soft riffing. This track moves through feminine desire while acknowledging the person you're hooking up with isn't good for much else (I think we can all relate).

And we all love RNBrina. The way she sings "Put your lovin' where your mouth is"? YES, YES, YES!

Track 5: We Almost Broke Up Again Last Night

"You say we're driftin' apart / I said 'Yeah, I fucking know' / Big deal, we've been here before / And we'll be here tomorrow"

(We've reached my favorite track!) If you know me, you know I'm a sucker for ballads. And while MBF doesn't technically have any, I'd say "We Almost Broke Up Again" comes pretty damn close.

On first listen, the track sounded like it'd fit right into Ariana Grande's eternal sunshine (Grande's best album, and I will not accept any arguments at this time). As I listened more and more, it had hints of emails i can't send while weaving in Sabrina's newest melodic principles. Someone said it sounded almost Christmassy on the chorus, and I can kind of hear it, but I think it moreso just sounds nostalgic—and isn't that the best word to describe a song about trying to hold onto a relationship that you both know is falling apart.

Track 6: Nobody's Son

"Probably should've guessed / He's like the rest, so fine and so deceiving / There's nobody's son / Not anyone left for me to believe in"

I just love songs where you can pop your ass while simultaneously bawling your eyes out. "Nobody's Son" is just that—a complete bop with the most heart-wrenching lyrics. We start with a beat that would fit right in at the club, and then Sabrina starts singing the most atypical "emotionally intelligent" man quote.

We can all relate to "All my friends in love, and I'm the one they call for a third wheeling."

And then the bridge might just be my favorite on the record. I'm just really loving the reoccurring idea of blaming the guy's mom. Tell it how it is, 'Brina: "That boy is corrupt...and yes I'm taking 'bout your baby!"

Track 7: Never Getting Laid

"Baby, I'm not angry / Love you just the same / I just hope you get agoraphobia some day"

We've all had a moment in our lives where we're like, "Hope you have a good life. But not too good a life. Mostly just don't find anyone as good as me, please and thank you." Sabrina gets that feeling just right with "Never Getting Laid."

A lot of the songs make Man's Best Friend feel like Singular's big sister, and I'd say that particularly the verses on this track emulate that perfectly. (And special shoutout to "And you've got a right hand anyway."

And then the outro is just so gorgeous. Something out of a golden-age musical while also keeping the subtle anger present throughout the track.

Track 8: When Did You Get Hot?

"Congratulations on your new improvements / I bet your light rod's, like, bigger than Zeus's / Hey, wait, can you lift my car with your hand? / You were an ugly kid, but you're a sexy man"

Sabrina's cheeky innuendos are back and better than ever with "When Did You Get Hot?" We start with a distinct contradiction to "Tears" ("So long, untouched / Bone-dry, not a plant can grow"), and then we get right into the very relatable scenario of seeing someone post-massive glow-up.

And then we get that iconic riff. Sexy, salacious Sabrina comes to play, and we get a banger.

Track 9: Go Go Juice

"I'm just drinking to call someone / A girl who knows her liquor is a girl who's been dumped / Sippin' on my go go juice, I can't be blamed / Some good old-fashioned fun sure numbs the pain"

The way Sabrina sings the title just scratches the itch in my brain. We get country-Brina back x10000, and her cheeky lyricism and general playfulness throughout the track brings the "drunk and lonely" vision to life.

The bridge alone is a musical masterpiece—it sums up the metaphorical comedown of having a little too much to drink, and then we get the final hurrah with the repeated catchy AF chorus.

Track 10: Don't Worry I'll Make You Worry

"You think that I'm gonna fuck with your head? / Well, you're absolutely right"

I don't think I've ever heard someone sing about ruining someone's life so beautifully. (Sabrina, if you're reading this, I would let you ruin my life any day of the week. Just saying.)

Right in the first lyric, we have a subtle callback to "Dumb & Poetic" ("Fuck with my head like it's some kind of fetish") — now it's Sabrina taking that power back. Now it's Sabrina being the manipulative one (except when it's Sabrina manipulating, it's iconic not evil. Sorry, I don't make the rules.)

Track 11: House Tour

"My house is on Pretty Girl Avenue / My house was especially built for you / Some say it's a place where your dreams come true / My house could be your house too"

If Man's Best Friend had been released in 2023, Dua Lipa would have had tough competition for who'd get their song in the Barbie (2023) dream-house party scene.

Sabrina promises in the chorus that she simply wants to show us the house and there are definitely no metaphors involved, but her innuendos tell us otherwise. References to coming inside, being reckless, and the bases of sex remind us that silly sexy Sabrina is here to stay.

It took me a second listen to notice "But never enter through the back door." But once it settled in...

Track 12: Goodbye

"But I'll say, 'Arrivederci, au revoir / Forgive my French, but 'fuck you, ta ta' / Goodbye means that you're losing me for life"

First things first, there is nothing more iconic than ending an album with a song titled "Goodbye." With hints of ABBA and multi-lingual moments, the closing track is one of Sabrina's most monumental.

Most of the album is about the heartache the accompanies being broken up with, but we finally come back to our senses by reminding the listener it was him who said goodbye so he "can't have [his] cake and eat it, too."

We know Sabrina's the it girl, and she knows it, too. (Cue "Busy Woman") She reminds the man that while he'll most definitely come running back, she'll have moved on.

Me and the album of the year! (Photo Credit: Keira Faddis)

The album may be called Man's Best Friend, but it's more accurately woman's best friend and man's worst nightmare. I've been a Carpenter for eleven years and seven albums, and it's so magical seeing the whole world realize what I've known all along.

Dear readers, grab your go-go juice (only my 21+ readers please and thank you—the rest of you can enjoy apple juice instead) and stream Man's Best Friend by Sabrina Carpenter on all platforms!